meemobunny: ((not-so-little) red ridinghood)
[personal profile] meemobunny
Title: Drink Juice, Love Life Fuji
Pairing: Fuji/Tezuka, Everyone/Fuji, and hints of Inui/Kaidoh
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: crack!fic; misuse of Inui Juice as a plot device
Summary: In which Fuji acquires bear ears due to an unfortunate accident involving Inui Juice. And molestation ensues.
Author's Note: Toggi-chan drew me a picture and then tricked me into writing a fic. Her request involved Fuji having bear ears and everyone trying to molest him, but he ends up with Tezuka. My initial reaction: omgwtf. My reaction now, after completing this: omgwtf*facepalm*.
Thanks muchly to [ profile] mouse_sensei for reading this over and telling me it was crack, but not bad!crack. And also for helping with the title! (without her, this fic would be called "Juice o'Doom". so.)

A third of this was sitting in my writing notebook and half in my computer, so I finally finished up the last bits (I am falling asleep as I write this. I fear it is quite evident in parts of the fic -- but eh, I'll fix stuff up tomorrow~~).
It took almost five months to write a lousy 2500 words. XD;; *goes to bed now*

"It’s ready.” Inui held out a glass full of a gurgling liquid that was of an unidentifiable shade of brown. A large bubble formed at the surface and splashed on to the floor when it popped. Most people would back away – if they hadn’t already – at the sight of the droplet sizzling when it hit the ground. Fuji’s smile didn’t waver.

Inui added, “Thanks for agreeing to try this new one out. I suppose I should’ve expected Kaidoh’s reaction when I asked him.” He rubbed the side of his jaw and winced a little.

“Well, it’s the least I could do to repay you for the training you helped me with.” Fuji reached for the glass. “It looks… appealing. I wonder if it tastes better than the Super Special Deluxe Inui Juice.” He tilted his head, peering at the juice from the side. Either he didn’t notice or decided to ignore the ominous glint from Inui’s glasses.

“Well, drink up,” Inui urged, his notebook at the ready.

Fuji arched an eyebrow. “If I didn’t know better, I would be very wary right now.” He swished the fluid around a little. More bubbles popped. “Bottoms up.”

The drink was slightly sweet with a spicy aftertaste. It slid smoothly down his throat and settled in his stomach. Fuji licked his lips. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

Inui opened his mouth, presumably to enquire about his new concoction. Fuji didn’t hear the first question or any of the other ones. His vision blurred slightly and a tingling sensation began from his base of his spine and moved all the way up to his head. The remainder of the juice splashed his shirt as the glass slipped from his grip.

A face loomed in front of Fuji and a hand was shaking him. “Fuji! Are you okay?”

Why does Inui have two faces? Fuji wondered groggily.

The locker-room finally snapped into focus. He blinked once.

“What’s with the concerned face, Inui? Did something happen?” Something wet was clinging on to his skin. Fuji glanced down and noticed that, for some reason, his shirt was slightly stained by some brown liquid and there were shards of glass on the ground. “Oh, the juice! I think the glass somehow slipped from my hand– Inui?”

Inui was giving him the oddest look and his hand was moving furiously, scribbling in his notebook. On top of it all his scalp felt funny, as if strands of his hair were being lifted by something. How strange.

Fuji decided to choose the most logical action: back away slowly. He wasn’t one to run away from uncomfortable situations, but that expression on Inui’s face would give Kaidoh’s scariest look a run for its money. Fuji bolted out of the clubhouse, leaving Inui to clean up the glass off the floor.


Fuji leaned against the fence around Court A, panting a little. He placed a hand against the metal links to steady himself from another wave of dizziness. His scalp was still tingling and his throat felt scratchy. What was in that drink anyway?

Fuji reached up to push a piece of hair away from his eyes and his hand brushed something furry. He sincerely hoped it wasn’t a tarantula or something equally threatening. His hand continued travelling.

Nope. Definitely not a tarantula.

It was round and warm… and it hurt when he tried to tug it. Fuji had a bad feeling about this. He shifted his hand to the other side of his head. There. Another one. Now, Fuji wasn’t one to be easily startled, but this was becoming just a little creepy. If his guess was not far off, he seemed to have acquired bear ears.


Fuji fell against the fence ended up with an arm-full of a wriggling and giggling Eiji.

Eiji pulled back a little. He peered closely at Fuji, his mouth forming a pout. “You look different today, nya!” He tilted his head and tapped a finger against his jutted-out lip. The thoughtful frown quickly disappeared to be replaced by a huge grin. “You’re so cute, I just want to hug you!”

And once again, Fuji was pressed against the fence. His friend was a demonstrative person (and rather touchy, for a less-polite term), but this sudden attack was kind of strange. Besides, didn’t Eiji already see him during class?

Fuji felt a tugging on his sleeve. He looked down and met the steady gaze of Echizen. “Ne, Fuji-senpai,” Echizen said, “want to play a match with me?”

Now that was a surprise. True, they intended to finish their rainy-day match sometime, but Echizen had never approached him directly. Fuji would have been happy to agree, but it was unfortunate that his voice wasn’t working at the current moment. He could only manage a soft coughing sound.

“Shoo, Ochibi!” Eiji made a vague waving motion. “Fujiko-chan is mine!”

Echizen scowled. “Don’t be so selfish, Eiji-senpai.”

Fuji blinked a little, caught between the two.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on over here?” Momo sauntered over.

His eyes glazed over as he caught sight of Fuji. “Ah, Fuji-senpai,” Momo began as he draped an arm over Fuji’s shoulder, “wanna go get something to eat after practice? My treat!”

Indignant cries arose from both Eiji and Echizen.

“Wah, Momo, not you too!”

“Che, Momo-senpai never treats me when we go out.”

A warm hand stroked between Fuji’s bear ears and he felt himself let out a small purr. The hand rubbed skilfully around the contours of the ears without mussing up Fuji’s hair. He smiled and leaned into the touch.

“Mamushi!” Momo suddenly growled. “Get away from Fuji-senpai!”

The hand stopped moving. Fuji suddenly realized that he was leaning against Kaidoh, who was hissing angrily at Momo. Noticing that Inui was standing at the outskirts of this rowdy circle, Fuji quickly stepped away from Kaidoh. But Inui didn’t seem to detect anything amiss, only scribbling furiously in his notebook and occasionally licking his lips.

By the time Oishi and Taka-san joined the group, Momo and Kaidoh were still arguing over Fuji’s head, Eiji was running his hands through Fuji’s hair, Echizen was clinging on to Fuji’s hand, and Inui continued to take notes. Oishi wasted no time in claiming Fuji’s other arm (the one that Echizen wasn’t holding) and proceeded to give his shoulder a massage, while Taka-san recited love poetry in broken (but loud) English, waving his tennis racket dramatically.

Fuji found all this very entertaining (and damn, were Oishi’s hands ever skilful – not to mention the ear-rubs that Kaidoh snuck in, in between all that shouting, were incredible). However, there was only one person whose attention he really wanted…


“What’s going on here?”

The fussing and squealing and general groping came to a halt when Tezuka appeared.

“Ah, buchou!” All the regulars took a discreet step away from Fuji, with the exception of Eiji, who was still happily clinging on to Fuji and nuzzling his neck.

At everyone’s urgings, Inui came forward to explain the odd situation. “Er, you see, Fuji agreed to try out my newest drink, and um, shall we just say that there are some…side effects?” He gestured to the silent Fuji and the regulars who were all trying to edge their way back to their (willing) victim while Tezuka was being distracted.

Tezuka turned slightly purple.

“All of you! Get away from him and go run fifty laps!” he barked, and then turned to Inui. “And since you were the perpetrator, you get seventy laps!”

At that, he stormed towards the slightly frightened Oishi. “I’m going to take Fuji with me. After the laps, you can take care of the rest of the practice.” He suddenly whirled around. “What are you all looking at? Go run your laps – now!”

The regulars scurried off, but not before sneaking a glance (or two) at Fuji with a certain amount of regret. Momo could be heard whispering loudly to Echizen, “Buchou gets Fuji-senpai all to himself now? Not fair!”

“Another twenty laps, Momoshiro!”

Fuji watched the unfolding action with a detached sort of amusement.


“I think my house is closer. I hope you don’t mind if we go there?” Tezuka asked, a blush staining his cheeks.

Fuji made a little chuckling sound as he shook his head. It was touching how the usually stoic captain, who didn’t seem to react when half of his team was writhing on the ground from the effects of Inui Juice, was taking Fuji to his house. Though, there was a chance that Tezuka felt that Fuji’s presence was interrupting practice. But then again, Tezuka could have simply told him to go home early or to stay in the clubhouse until the “side effects” wore off.

So deep in his conflicting thoughts, Fuji almost did not notice a hand slipping into his own. He shot a questioning glance at Tezuka.

“Uh, for protective purposes, you know. In case you get separated from me. Or something.”

There were no other pedestrians on the street, nor was there traffic. Nonetheless, Fuji felt a little better and more than amused at Tezuka’s stuttered excuse. It seemed that not even Tezuka was immune to the effects of the juice.

They arrived at Tezuka’s house a few minutes later. “There’s no one home,” he explained, as he fumbled for his keys with one hand until he realized that it would be a much easier task if he let go of Fuji’s hand.

The front hall was spacious and the surroundings were decorated in a traditional style. Very different from Fuji’s more modern house, but he felt quite comfortable in his current surroundings.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Tezuka gestured at Fuji’s shirt that was still covered in the brown juice. “I can find you a change of clothes.”

Fuji gave a silent nod. Tezuka led him to the bathroom and handed him a stack of towels. Tezuka lingered for a while, looking extremely awkward, until Fuji deliberately tugged at the top button of his jersey. Tezuka’s eyes widened and he hurried out. Fuji could not help but chuckle a little.

Fuji shed his clothes and climbed into the bathtub. The spray of water felt pleasant against his skin as he cleaned off the stickiness left by the spilt juice. He dried his hair with one of the fluffy towels Tezuka had given him and wrapped another one around his waist.

Just then, Tezuka knocked at the door. “Um, Fuji? I heard the water stop. Are you done?”

Fuji gave a nod, but then realized that Tezuka couldn’t see it. He opened the bathroom door to reveal a startled looking Tezuka holding a clean shirt and a pair of pants.

“Oh!” said Tezuka, blinking once. His face was flushed and his lips parted slightly.

Fuji felt his heart skip a beat. Even if he had his voice, he wouldn’t have been able to say anything at that moment. The scene was almost comical as the two boys stood staring at each other, one fully dressed in a school uniform and the other clad in a fluffy white towel.

Fuji couldn’t stand the tension anymore. He wrapped his arms around Tezuka’s waist and buried his face in the crook of Tezuka’s neck. He was satisfied to hear Tezuka give a gasp. The clean clothes soon joined the dirty ones on the floor as Tezuka gave in to his desires and slid his hands across Fuji’s smooth back. Fuji purred, arching into the touch. Interpreting the sound as an encouragement, Tezuka leaned down and brushed his lips lightly against Fuji’s cheek.

But Fuji would have none of that. He pulled Tezuka closer and pressed their lips together. He slid his tongue against the inside of Tezuka’s mouth and felt Tezuka join in a moment later.

“Mmm, Tezuka,” Fuji moaned against Tezuka’s lips.

Tezuka pulled away suddenly. “You can talk again!”

Fuji’s hands flew to his head. “And the ears are gone too!” His eyes twinkled. “You don’t suppose the effects wore off because of the kiss, do you?” Despite his joking demeanour, a voice at the back of his mind reminded him that, like everyone else, Tezuka was probably only attracted to him because of the ears and what ever effects the juice had. Fuji adjusted the towel around his waist, feeling unusually nervous.

Tezuka’s eyes were more serious now, unlike the glazed look they had held earlier. “Possibly.” A tiny smile appeared on his face. “Maybe we should try a few more times just so the ears don’t grow back?”

Any doubts Fuji had disappeared. He couldn’t help as his face spread into a grin. “I quite like that idea.”

He would have to thank Inui for this. But later. Much later. He wasted no time moving back into Tezuka’s warm embrace.


Meanwhile, at the school, Inui was perched on a bench in the clubhouse, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

Practice had ended after everyone finished their fifty laps (or seventy, in his and Momoshiro’s cases) since no one was really in the mood to play tennis. A much frazzled Oishi told them all to go home and rest.

The others filed into the clubhouse, relieved, but puzzled by their previous behaviour. Sure, Fuji wasn’t hard on the eyes, but why had they found him so attractive all of a sudden? And better yet, why did he have bear ears?

Inui put their concerns to ease (sort of) as he explained that the beta-version of the juice had some unexpected errors, and the side effects should wear off. Actually, Inui had no idea how or when they would wear off (and he was mentally preparing himself to face the wrath of a furious captain the next day), but no one else needed to know that, right?

He tapped his cheek thoughtfully with the chewed-up end of his pencil. There was nothing in the original juice that would have caused someone to grow bear ears, much less produce aphrodisiac-like effects. Which meant that something else must have slipped in.

Inui froze.

His mother had been simmering something on the stove that day, and had instructed him to stay away. She’d stirred the…stuff with a wooden spoon. Inui remembered, now, that he had carelessly grabbed that same spoon when he needed to add ingredients to the juice. Could it be that a few drops of the unknown substance caused a nearly improbable chemical reaction to take place? He would have to conduct a few experiments once he got home.

In the meantime, he should perhaps try some of the juice himself while Kaidoh was around. There was a seventy-four percent chance that Kaidoh would agree to come over to help Inui with an “experiment”, as long as he didn’t have to ingest anything himself. Satisfied, Inui gathered his pens and notebook, and stood up.

For the second time that day, Inui’s glasses glinted ominously.


Date: 2005-06-30 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
fufufufu Even though I prefer evil!Fuji myself, X33 fluffy bear ears!fuji is cute.

:D I already said this, but I love the way you write Tezuka!
^_^ awesome!

Date: 2005-07-01 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
the juice ate away at his evilness~~~ TT___TT

uke!tezuka! nyahaha~~~
thank you so much for your help and praise! *huggles*

Date: 2005-07-01 09:43 am (UTC)
prillalar: (yuuta)
From: [personal profile] prillalar
Hee! Eiji espcially was hilarious. And evil Inui yay!

Date: 2005-07-01 12:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
oh yay, i'm so happy you enjoyed! ^__^

Date: 2005-07-01 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

very cute *huggles*

Date: 2005-07-01 03:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hee, thank you! :D

Date: 2005-07-01 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
very cute!

Date: 2005-07-02 11:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thank you! :)

Date: 2005-07-01 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
A warm hand stroked between Fuji's bear ears and he felt himself let out a small purr. The hand rubbed skilfully around the contours of the ears without mussing up Fuji's hair. He smiled and leaned into the touch.

OH MY GOD THAT SHOULDN'T BE HOT. They're bear ears, after all. *giggles*

Date: 2005-07-02 11:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*laughs* glad you enjoyed! ;D
(and by the way, i adore your icon!)

Date: 2005-07-02 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG you write kissing scenes T_T T_T T_T_T
my baby's all grown up *tears of happiness*

XD but anyways, I don't think Kaidou would strike Inui, him being the kouhai and all. Still a good story, I like the way you write Inui ^^

Date: 2005-07-02 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
oh hush, you. (kissing scenes are so difficult to write T____T)

haha, probably not normally, but he might if provoked enough? XD;;
thank you for reading~~ XDXD

Date: 2005-07-06 11:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*giggles* That was adorable, thanks for writing it, it made my day much better ♥

Date: 2005-07-06 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thank you for commenting! ^__^ i'm glad you liked it!


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